Try Again Today
by Pinkflutterby
Summary: Sequel to Alone Without You. Joey and Dawson settle into family life, but will someone from their past ruin their happiness forever? DJ and PA. Please read and Review!COMPLETED WITH EPILOGUE
1. Hangin' Around

A/N Well it finally hit me, inspiration that is. On the way home from work today it just kinda zapped me like a ray gun. So please enjoy this sequel to Alone Without You. It's set around 6 months after Pacey and Andie's wedding. Just a quick thank you to all the people at Feels Like Home...you are all stars.

**Try Again Today.**

Hangin' Around

The lights were hot on her face, something she was slowly getting used to. The crowd in front of her looked listless and unhappy at the spectacle in front of them; a woman in her late 20's were her long hair pulled into a tight ponytail, squirming in her formal wear. For her part, the woman wasn't enjoying this much either. Hot lights, uncomfortable suit and the distance between herself and her family were all factors contributing to her unhappiness. But mostly she missed her family.

Suddenly the crowd stood up and started to clap thunderously, taking the woman by surprise. She stood up with them and clapped as her gracious host made her way over. She had hair as high as a sky scraper and her make up had been applied with a trowel. When she smiled all you could see where her gleaming white teeth, almost plastic in their texture. She reached over her hand, her long crimson nails glinting in the lights.

'Nice to meet you, I'm Dianne and I'm the host. You might have seen me on TV?' Dianne said in a put on East coast accent. It was almost transparent that she was from the south.

'Yes, never miss a show,' she lied, cracking her knuckles on one hand. The whole media circus that had become her life of late was more than off putting.

'That's great,' Dianne said, looking away and settling herself into her over sized chair.

'10 seconds to air Dianne!' a stage hand shouted, to which Dianne just put her hand in the air and scanned her questions cards. The theme music started all the sudden and the hot lights became even hotter, sending the temperature in the studio up by at least 10 degrees.

'Hello and welcome to Daytime with Dianne, I'm so pleased you could be here with us today. We have a wonderful show in store for you today, including some music from the hottest boy band in town. Generic 123!!' she started to clap viciously, trying to ignore the screams of the teenage girls in the audience.

'But first I am pleased to say we have best selling author Joey Potter here with her book 'A Mother's Wish'. Thank you for joining us today Joey.'

'It's my pleasure' Joey lied once more, this book tour had been one huge lie.

'So Joey, can you tell us about your muse for this book. I believe it's written about someone you knew?' Dianne recited her lines, clearly not caring about who the book was actually written about.

'Well it's based on a good friend of mine that died suddenly, leaving behind her baby daughter. You can say it was a tool to helping me grieve while trying to preserve something for her daughter to look back on,' Joey recited her own lines carefully. She had said that statement, or at least one very much like it, everyday for the last month.

'What does you friend's daughter think of the book?'

'Well she's still a little too young to fully understand it but her father thinks it captures her magical personality perfectly and if anyone should know it's him' Joey giggled lightly at the end of the statement. She remembered Jack reading the book in one sitting, staying awake and missing school just to finish it.

'I understand you drew a lot from your own experience of motherhood to complete it? How many children do you have?' Dianne asked, flicking through her cards.

'Well Dianne I have 2 children, twins in fact,' Joey heard mothers in the audience gasp in appreciation. 'They are both 1 year old nightmares but I miss them awfully when I'm away from them. When I was trying to finish the book I started to think how I would feel if I knew I had to leave them behind and before I knew it I had written the book,'

Dianne's eyebrows rose as she read the next question in her pack, the interview finally becoming something she was interested in.

'So how's Dawson Leery?' she asked, smiling broadly. People in the audience started to laugh and clap, someone even whistled.

The question hit Joey for six and she glanced over at her PA who was standing off stage behind Dianne. He just shrugged her shoulders in confusion.

'He's great.' Joey answered simply.

'Ah come on, you've got to give us some incite into what it's like to be in a relationship with one of Hollywood's hottest directors? What is his next project?' Dianne started to lean in towards Joey, beckoning her to give her some exclusive.

'Dawson and I have a policy not to discuss each other's projects, I mean it gets in the way of arguing over who makes dinner or who changes the dirty nappies' Joey answered. 'Sufficed to say that Dawson has his hands full with a very special project right now,' Joey smiled with all her teeth at the leering talk show host and turned to the audience who were applauding.

'Well thank you for coming in today and we can't wait for your next work.' Dianne said through gritted teeth. Joey kept smiling until the theme music stopped and watched as Dianne stormed off stage towards her make up lady, patiently waiting in the wings.

'That could have gone better,' Phillip, her PA said as she approached him.

'Well maybe if you had checked the question list before hand...' Joey started, pushing past him and down the hallway to her dressing room.

'I did, I swear Joey! She must have slipped it into the mix at the last moment.' Philip opened her dressing room door and followed her inside.

'I know, I'm just glad this is all over today. I, for one, would like to spend some time with my family for Christmas.' She said, pulling off her suit jacket and unbuttoning her blouse to reveal a tank top.

'Well all you have is one more paper interview and then it's Capetown you are bound,'

'Capeside Philip, Cape Town is in South Africa,' Joey said, kicking off her shoes and slamming them into a bag.

'Sorry...I'll meet you outside,' Philip said, feeling her angry stare on him.

'That might be a good idea...' She said, standing straight up and crossing her hands across her chest.

She waited till she heard the door click before she started to smile. She loved to wind up Philip, he was easy game. When she was picking PA's for this book tour she ended up picking an uptight and self righteous woman who she fired within 3 hours. Philip was her PA's PA and thus got a promotion. Young, inexperienced and very gullible, Joey loved him immediately.

She pulled on her jeans and Christmas sweater that Gail had knitted her. Gail had completely fallen into the grandmother role, knitting everyone something for Christmas. The twins were practically drowning in knitwear. She shook her hair loose and smoothed it down, catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Sometimes it was hard to believe she was a mother of two. She still looked 18 some days but then a closer inspection would have revealed her wrinkles around her eyes and the stretch marks which cascaded across her stomach in waves. She sat down and reached over to her bag, pulling out her weather beaten cell phone.

'Hello?'

'Pacey, what are you doing at my house?' Joey asked, panic rising in her throat.

'Save the inquisition Potter, I came over to watch you TV performance with D. It went....' Pacey stalled.

'...awfully Pace, don't lie' Joey said, pulling out her hat and gloves and putting them on.

'Well it wasn't the best one I've seen. You were right about one thing though.'

'What's that then oh great wise one?' Joey asked, grinning.

'Dawson does have his hands full,' Pacey said, glancing over to where he had found Dawson asleep on the couch, Dylan passed out on his chest and Belle curled up next to him. He certainly had his hands full.

'Well he can handle it, can you put him on?' Joey asked, finally struggling into her winter coat.

'He's putting those twins down for a nap actually but I will get him to call you as soon as he can. When you coming home?'

'Tonight, hopefully,' Joey said, unsure herself if she was going to be able to get the flight out of Chicago she had booked for herself.

'Well here's hoping. See you when you get home, we will all be at Dawson's mom's party,'

'I will make sure to make a grand entrance. See ya Pace,'

'Be safe Potter,' Pacey said, smiling as he hung up the phone. He looked over at the three sleeping on the couch and chuckled lightly to himself. He picked up Belle and slung her over his shoulder in a fireman's lift, the little girl not waking up. Dylan, however stirred slightly as he picked him up. Finally, all those years of baby sitting had come in handy.

He climbed the stairs carefully and placed each of them in their cribs, pulling their blanket up around them and placing gentle kisses on their heads. He loved them both so much and as a godfather, he got the best deal. All the fun with none of the responsibility, just how he liked it.

When he got back downstairs Dawson was still fast asleep. Normally he would leave him be, but with it being the night of the Leery party he had to wake him up.

'D man, wake up,' Pacey shook him gently. All this resulted in was a shallow grunt.

'Dawson, Spielberg called. He wants his lawnmower back,' Pacey shouted.

'Wha, who...Pacey?' Dawson woke with a start.

'Good morning sunshine, I made pancakes...' Pacey joked, hitting his friend on the shoulder.

'How long was I asleep for?' Dawson asked, rubbing his eyes and running his hand through his hair.

'For as long as I've been here man, so at least an hour.'

'The kids, where are the...' Dawson said, suddenly realising they were not asleep next to him.

'I've put them to bed. I wasn't going to carry your sorry ass up those stairs however, no matter how cute you look in your sleep. I value my spine,' Pacey said, throwing a cushion over at Dawson's face.

'Funny, Joey always manages it...' Dawson started, a smile creeping across his face.

'I do not want to hear what you get up to in your spare time man, I've got enough horrible images involving you swirling their way across my mind on a near daily basis.'

'Is he boring you Dawson, I can kick him out?' Andie's voice appeared from the kitchen, an apron tied around waist.

'When did you get here?' Dawson asked, completely confused.

'Same time as Pacey. I've just finished cleaning your kitchen and can I point out that the whole purpose of a refrigerator is to keep fresh food fresh, not rotting food cold,' Andie started.

'Thank Andie, with Joey being gone for a month I just haven't had to chance to get any of it done.' Dawson stood up and raked his hands across his head again. His clothes were covered in differing kinds of food stuff's that the twins had smeared across him that day, a little sweet potato here, a bit of porridge there.

'Well I have at least removed anything I would consider a risk to health. Is there anything else that needs doing before she gets home?' Andie asked, walking over and sitting on Pacey's lap.

'Umm... I don't suppose I could ask you just to keep an eye on the twins while I have a shower, I don't think I've had one of them recently'

'So maybe the stench wasn't the fridge?' Pacey said, getting a slap from Andie.

'Of course, if they wake up I will send up the clown here.'

'Thanks you guys, I couldn't have done this without you.' Dawson went to hug Andie but she held her nose and pointed to the stairs. Dawson took the hint and made his way out of the room.

'Oh D, call Joey!,' Pacey shouted before turning his attention to his wide 'You are a hard task master, you know that Dr Witter?' Pacey said, pressing his lips to the back of Andie's neck.

'Well you know, I try,' Andie said, closing her eyes and losing herself in the sensation.

'You know, he's going to be gone for at least 20 minutes... we could...' Pacey said, kissing his way up her jaw line.

'...we could... but we are not 16 and this is not baby sitting...so get up,' Andie said, quickly pulling herself out of the dream and the seat. She turned around and pulled him by the arms out of the chair.

'What then??'

'You can help me with the washing.' Andie dragged him across the lounge and into the utility room, where a massive pile of baby clothes had formed.

'Oh my...' Pacey said, shocked by the sheer amount of it.

Dawson had tiptoed into the twin's room to see if they were still sleeping. Thankfully they were. As much as he loved them, and he loved them more than anything, they were exhausting at times. Not that he would change those times for anything. He gently placed his hands on Dylan's chest, feeling it gently rise and fall with every breath. It was his ritual, right from when they were tiny babies and they were in their incubators at the hospital. He heard a slight snivel and looked over at Belle, a tear forming in her closed eye. She did that sometimes, cried so hard that the tears would leak out in her sleep. He stroked her hair and kissed her forehead gently, hoping that it would help placate her. On this occasion it did and Dawson made his way out of the room to get the phone.

'Hey honey, sorry I missed your call. I'm in the baby's room now, want to help me?' Dawson said into the phone.

'Always. I love you,' Joey said, looking out of her hotel room window onto the snow covered city.

'I love you too honey,' Dawson said and switched the phone over to speakerphone.

'Well I could Oh, I could hide 'neath the wings' Dawson started to sing gently.

'Of the bluebird as she sings.

The six o'clock alarm would never ring.' Joey's voice sang through the phone softly, joining in with Dawson's

'But it rings and I rise,

Wipe the sleep out of my eyes.

My shavin' razor's cold and it stings.

Cheer up, Sleepy Jean.

Oh, what can it mean.

To a daydream believer

And a homecoming queen.'

Dylan stirred slightly, hearing his mother's voice but quickly settled down when Dawson placed his hand on his chest lightly. Dawson clicked the phone off of speaker and lifted the handset to his ear.

'When you home?'

'Well I've got one more interview and then I'm on a plane out of here. I can't wait to see you,'

'Me too, I've missed you so much.'

'Well you know I'm going to more than make up for it when I get home,' Joey said quietly into the phone.

'Oh yeah, how?' Dawson asked, closing the twins door behind him and walking towards the bathroom.

'Well you're just going to have to wait and see...I've gotta run. See you in a little while,'

'I love you,' Dawson said, disappointed that the phone call wouldn't go on for longer.

'I love you too. Kiss those kids for me,' Joey said, sending loud kisses down the phone.

He hung up and started to undress, hoping that the twins would give him long enough to maybe even have a bath.

'Waahhhhhhhh'

No such luck.


	2. The Long December

A Long December.

'I'm really sorry about the delay Miss Potter, I can't think what's keeping Jim.' The photographer said as he took another few shots of Joey sitting by the window in her hotel room. The magazine had decided to do some accompanying casual shots to go with their interview. Joey was less than thrilled about the long delay, especially considering she only had 3 hours until her flight left.

'It's okay. But I will have to leave if he's not here in the next 30 minutes,' Joey said sternly, looking up at Philip for moral support. Suddenly the photographer's phone went.

'Jim, where the hell are you...laryngitis...ah come on, you've not been sick in....fine whose coming instead?....has she done the research?....does she even know who she's interviewing?....fine Jim, Merry Christmas,' the photographer snapped his phone shut firmly.

'Problem?' Philip said, looking over at Joey with a confused look.

'Jim, the guy who was due to interview you, has been taken ill and is sending over another reporter, she should be here in around 5 minutes. I'm really sorry for this,'

'It's alright but I have to be on that plane...' Joey started but was interrupted by the loud knocking on the hotel room door.

'Round and round the garden, like a teddy bear. One step, two step, tickly under there!' Dawson said, tickling his daughter until she squealed. With Andie and Pacey's help they had got the majority of the house tidy and even some of the laundry. Dawson was now trying to get both the kids ready to go to his Mom's but neither of them were being co-operative.

'Now Belle, you know that you can't leave the house without this year's favourite fashion accessory, le bobble hat' he said, pulling the tiny pink hat over his daughter's delicate head. She whimpered slightly and pulled a pouty face. She looked just like Joey when she was mad.

'See, you look stunning my dear,' he clipped the final buckle on her car seat and turned his attention to Dylan, who was busy chewing the sock off his feet.

'Dylan, socks are not food.' Dawson pulled the wet sock back into place, sending Dylan into floods of tears.

'Okay, okay. You win,' Dawson quickly pulled the soak off and gave it to a giggling Dylan to chew happily. He found one of Belle's spare ones on the floor and quickly wrapped it over his tiny feet.

'Now son, just because you are wearing pink socks does not make you any less of a man,' he clipped in Dylan's car seat and made his way to the door, car seat in each hand. They were getting heavier, too heavy to be doing this every day.

He dragged himself into the garage and quickly slung both of the kids in the rear seat, double checking all the safety gizmo's were working before reversing out of the driveway.

'Okay kids, ready for Christmas?' he said, turning the radio up.

He was greeted by a chorus of crying from his children.

'That's great....lets go,'

Philip opened the door slowly and found a woman, immaculate looking with a large note book in her hand.

'Hi, I'm here from Text magazine? My colleague Jim should have called...'

'Certainly, Miss Potter has been expecting you,' Philip said in his most noble tones. He knew it wound up Joey.

Joey, who had been inspecting the contents of her handbag to double check her tickets, looked up and started to speak.

'Please its Joey....Gretchen?'

Gretchen looked over and saw Joey, looking much older than the last time she had seen her all those years ago. All though practically the same in her pose and posture, she looked tired.

'Joey Potter! How are you?' Gretchen moved over and hugged Joey tightly.

'Great. I'm really great. I didn't know you were in Chicago? The last I heard you moved to LA?' Joey said, pulling herself out of the hug and pointing to a nearby chair.

'I was, then I got an offer of writing for Text and I couldn't refuse. Almost made the cold winters and hot summers worth it.' She said, pulling out her Dictaphone.

'Okay, well let's get this interview out of the way and then we can go home for Christmas!' Joey exclaimed, patting Gretchen on the knee. She saw how her mood changed instantly with the mention of home.

'Actually, I'm not heading to Capeside for the holidays. Since Pacey became the respectable member of the family, I've had a hard time getting on with the parental's....and Doug....and Pacey'

'Well when was the last time you spoke to any of them?'

'Well if it's now December, I would guess 4 years...give or take a day,'

'You're kidding me? You haven't spoken to any of them in 4 years? How is that possible?'

Gretchen shifted in her seat slightly. 'Well it's easy when you live the other side of the country and you just don't call them or give them your contact details. I miss Pacey and Doug though. Have you seen them recently?'

Joey took a deep in take of breath 'You really haven't spoken to any of them in 4 years?'

'Yes...why, what's happened? Is it Doug? Did he get hurt at work?' Gretchen said, the panic rising in her throat.

'No, nothing like that. Doug's living with Jack'

'Jack as in Jack MacPhee? When did this all happen?' Gretchen said, the shock evident in her voice.

'Around 3 years ago now, when Amy came into their lives,' Joey said, realising she would have a lot of explaining to do.

'Amy?'

'Amy's their adopted daughter,'

'Wow...turn you're back for 4 years and...wow. So Doug really was gay? But how...why?' Gretchen said, even more shocked then before hand.

'You really haven't read my book have you?' Joey said giggling nervously.

'What's that got to do with it?' Gretchen said, her patience wearing thin.

'My book is about Jen. Jen died around 3 years ago and she left her daughter, Amy, to Jack to raise.' Joey snapped back.

'Oh Joey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...I just can't... Jen? She was so young. Nothing major's happen to Pacey has it because I don't know if I could take it...' Gretchen said, standing up and massaging her temple as she made her way to the window.

'Married. To a fantastically talented woman' Joey said quickly.

Gretchen spun around and glared a Joey. 'It's not...' she said, eyeing Joey up and down.

'No. We got back together after Jen died but it was never the right thing to do. He met up with Andie MacPhee and they fell back in love and...well there you have it.' Joey said, standing up and making her way over to the window.

'So both my brothers are with a MacPhee? Figures.' Gretchen chuckled lightly.

'Good MacPhee's I might add. Jack teaches at Capeside high and Andie is a doctor. Saved my life.' Joey said quietly.

'Really? What happened, if you don't mind me asking?'

'I never mind people asking me about the day I had my children, traumatic as it was, it was the best day of my life,' Joey said, pulling out of her pocket a picture of the babies.

'Wow, you have kids Joey? Congratulations!' Gretchen reached over and hugged her again. 'How old?' Gretchen pulled away and closely examined the picture

'A year in 2 days time actually,' Joey said

'They with you on this trip?'

'No actually, they are at home in the very capable but full arms of their father...and Pacey by the sounds of it,' She said, thinking back to the conversation she had had earlier in the day.

'So who's the lucky man?'

'Dawson,' Joey said, smiling broadly.

Gretchen whipped her head back and stared at Joey. She felt like someone had stabbed her. 'Dawson? As in our Dawson?'

'How many people called Dawson do you know?' Joey said, not liking the idea of Dawson being a shared commodity, especially between herself and Gretchen.

'When did that happen?'

'Well it's a long a tortured love story, as all the best ones are but lets just say that we finally woke up of a long and complicated over analytical dream 2 years ago.'

'Nice to know I'm considered to be part of a dream sequence in your little saga,' Gretchen said bitterly.

'Gretchen I wasn't implying anything like that. A lot happened after we went to college and...'

'You know what Joey, I better get going... I think it would be better if I get someone from the magazine to call you and do a telephone interview. Have a nice Christmas,' Gretchen grabbed her bag and coat from the back of her chair and stormed out of the room.

'Gretchen, wait...' Joey said but the door slammed before she had a chance to catch up with her.

'So, I take it you guys know each other?' the photographer said.

'You could say that,' Joey said, shocked at what had just happened. She looked down at the floor when Gretchen had dropped the picture of the twins. She leant over and picked it up, smiling at the images of her children.

'Well I better go then. I'll get someone to call you after Christmas.' The photographer nodded in Joey's direction and made his way out the door.

'Are you okay? What was all that about?' Philip said

'The past,' Joey said, still looking at the picture of the babies 'You know what? I'm done. Let's go home,'


	3. Big Yellow Taxi

Hey everyone! I've managed to get back into the swing of my writing again so I apologise for the gap in my writing. Hopefully I am going to get some more done this week. As usual, thanks to the ever faithful at Feels Like Home and give me feedback.

**Big Yellow Taxi**

'So, when is the little woman home then?' Pacey said, taking Dylan in his arms as he started to struggle in Andie's arms. Dawson had arrived at the party with two screaming babies and a pained expression on his face.

'She was getting a cab from the airport when she called so hopefully she will be here soon,' Dawson said, straightening Belle's dress and adjusting her bow in her hair. Both of the kids had thrown up over themselves and him in the car on the way to the party. Luckily, Gale and Bessie had both bought outfits for the kids and Dawson had some clothes in the trunk of their car.

'It amazing how big they've both got. You just don't notice it everyday and then suddenly BAM they are a year old,' Andie said, ticking Dylan's feet as Pacey pulled faces at him.

'I know. It's scary to think that this time last year we didn't have them. I just had a clean house and a huge hormonal girlfriend.'

'Speaking of your girlfriend, when you making an honest woman out of her?' Pacey said, winking at Dawson as he placed Dylan down in his playpen.

'I think she is far too attached to her maiden name to consider marrying me,' Dawson said, a sly smile on his face. Pacey noticed immediately.

'You can't lie to me D, you've tried it but it doesn't work.' He said, taking Belle out of his arms and placing her next to her brother.

'Are you going to ask Joey to marry you?' Andie said excitedly, jumping her hands.

'Shhhs,' Dawson said, walking over to the door of his old room and closing it quietly. He turned around and saw the two expectant faces of his friends.

'It's her Christmas present. I'm waiting until she gets home and I was going to surprise her on the dock on the twin's birthday,' Dawson said, pulling a small box out of his pocket.

'Oh my god!' Andie said, moving towards him and hugging him tightly 'I can't tell you how happy I am,'

'Took you long enough D,' Pacey said, hugging him as soon as Andie had let go to look at the ring.

'Holey Moley check out that rock,' she said, eyeing the delicate gold ring in the box. 'This is exquisite Dawson, where did you get it?'

'It's her mother's. Bessie had been keeping it since she died and had promised her mum that when Joey got married she had it. So when I asked Bessie and Bodie's permission she gave it to me.'

'That is so beautiful Dawson, she's going to be so happy!' Andie said, passing the ring to Pacey and leaning over to kiss Dawson on the cheek.

'She hasn't said yes yet,' Dawson blushed, trying not to consider the possibility that she would say no.

'Well she's had your kids, I can't see her saying no,' Pacey said, passing the ring back.

'Well, let's hope not.'

Her mind had been racing all the way from the hotel to the airport and then in the cab ride home.

Our Dawson.

She didn't want to get upset and uptight about what was said. It was all in the past and she was now really happy. Almost.

Joey looked out of the misty window and saw the creek snaking around the edge of the road. She was almost home. God she missed her kids so much. This was the last book tour she was planning to do for a long while. More to the point she wanted to give Dawson the chance to continue with his work on the movie adaptation. She knew he had given up his dreams to help raise their surprise family and she wanted to give him back his life.

She drove past a house with the family in the front yard, all throwing snowballs at each other and building a family of snowmen. It had taken her a while to accept she had her own family, just like that one. But the family didn't fell complete. She knew that now wasn't the right time to consider having any more kids, she didn't know if they would anyway. But she just wanted one thing for Christmas.

She wanted a ring.

'You are such a sadomasochist Dawson,' Jack said, closing the front door onto the Leery porch and pulling his coat around him.

'I don't know what you mean,'

'It's freezing out here D,' Jack said, sitting next to him on the seat.

'I like the winter,' Dawson replied with a smile creeping across his face.

'So when she due?'

'Five minutes,' he said quickly.

'Ahh that would explain it. So I hear congratulations are in order?' he said nudging him.

'Good those two couldn't keep a secret if there lives depended on it,' Dawson scowled.

'Come one, she my sister and he's my brother in law…..twice! They were going to have to tell me at some point,' Jack laughed.

'I suppose. Can you keep it quiet though? Too many people know already.'

'Lips are sealed. I'm really happy for you though, I know Jen would be too,' Jack said solemnly.

'I know she would. I just hope Joey is.'

'Are you serious?' Jack said 'She was stupid enough to have kids with you,'

'It worries me you are the second person to say that.'

Lights bounced off the side of Gram's house and made the snow sparkle. Jack nodded and patted Dawson on the shoulder as he got up and went back to join the party. Dawson took a deep breath in and made his way down the steps to the lawn.

She was just paying the driver when she saw him, wrapped up in his warm winter coat with a smile on his face. She felt the tingles go through her body like she was 16 again.

'Merry Christmas Miss,' the driver said, jumping in his cab and driving away.

'Hey,' Joey said, a huge grin forming on her face.

'Hey,' Dawson said, moving towards her slowly.

'So does the mother of your children get a hug?' Joey said, mirroring the speed in which Dawson was approaching her.

'Maybe, does the father of your children get a little bit more?' Dawson said, getting close enough to her to hold her hand.

'I should think so. It would be rude not to,' She said, tipping her head towards his and closing her eyes. His soft lips brushed her tenderly and all too briefly for Joey.

'Hi,' he said, his eyes still closed.

'Merry Christmas Dawson,' she said, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him into another kiss.

'Merry Christmas Joey,' he murmured as he got lost in her arms.

She paced up and down the length of her apartment. It was sparse but had everything she needed. Well, maybe not everything. She glanced over at Joey's book and snatched it up to read the biography again.

'Joey Potter is a graduate of the famed Worthington Academy in Boston where she studied English Literature. After a successful stint working at Doubleday publishing in New York City she began writing and illustrating this book, a tribute to her late friend Jennifer Lindley and her Daughter Amy. She currently resides outside of Boston with her partner and two children,'

She slammed the book on the table. When she had gotten home from the interview she scoured the internet for pictures of the two of them, desperate the see the proof. But had found nothing. Either they had been very careful with their public status or she was lying.

She had to be lying.

She fell down on the couch and pulled out a tatty shoebox from under her coffee table. Opening she pulled out a menu from a road side dinner she had visited years ago, along with a picture of herself and Dawson together at the Leery's Christmas party. They were both smiling, smiling with big, youthful grins. She had to know, she just needed to see it. She dropped the picture on the table and made her way out of the room.

_She just needed to see it. _


	4. If I Could Give All My Love

A/N…I'm sorry, I'm sorry. With everything that had been happening lately I have not had the time or the inspiration to get this fic moving. I am going to make this one much MUCH shorter than _Nightswimming._

So enjoy and give me feedback!!!!!!!!

**If I could give all my love.**

She watched her chest gently rise and fall under her pink blanket, her blonde mop of hair slightly matted with her night sweat. Joey reached over and ran her hand through the child's hair. She could do this all night and had done on so many occasions. Belle was turning into a beautiful child, her blonde hair curling slightly. She heard a slight snuffling and looked down into her arms to see Dylan, his tiny hands grabbing onto her pyjama top tightly.

'There there baby, mama's here,' Joey said quietly, kissing the top of his head gently.

It was the morning after the party, a party that had gone on for hours and was one of the most special Leery parties for a long time. But this is what she had missed, being alone with her children. She had all but dismissed the awkward confrontation with Gretchen yesterday, deciding not to mention it to Dawson just yet. She would tell Pacey and Doug though, as she knew they deserved to know where their sister was. She couldn't figure out what had happened to make her disappear. She knew that when her and Pacey were together she was never mentioned and never at family events.

She brushed the thought aside when Belle started to wake up. Her head lifted it's self from the mattress and looked around, smiling when she saw Joey looking back.

'Hey there Angel,' Joey said, standing up and repositioning Dylan so she could scoop Belle into her arms too. 'How's my little girl hey? I missed you so much,' Joey held both children tightly to her chest, feeling Dylan increasing his already considerable grip and Belle start to babble at her.

'I think we all deserve a bit of a lay in.' Joey said quietly, moving slowly out of the nursery and towards the master bedroom. The bedroom had been of her decorating when they moved in, with help from Jack and Doug. She had found a huge wooden bed in a yard sale in town one day and commissioned a local carpenter to restore it. The dark wood was full of holes and little dents that showed its journey through life. It was one of the reasons why she wanted it so badly. Dawson came home from a 2 week LA trip to find that their sparsely decorated bedroom had become a relaxed and cool space, with duck shell blue on the walls and stripped wooden floors. He had loved it immediately and it had given him inspiration to decorate the rest of the house in that style, all except the nursery and Joey's study, which Joey had handled herself.

Joey lifted up the blankets on her side of the bed and nestled a sleepy Dylan under his father arms, climbing in with Belle at her side. It was something that they always did in the mornings, a way of spending time together that was relaxed and not dictated by feeding times or errands. When she was settled she looked over at Dawson, his mouth open in a deep sleep. He was never the most attractive sleeper. Luckily he made up for it for the rest of the time. Belle had quickly dropped of to sleep again but Dylan was stirring and grabbed Dawson's bare arm tightly.

'Wha…oww!' Dawson awoke suddenly with a stinging pain in his arm. He looked down and saw the angry little face of his son, scrunched up in a fitful sleep and his face softened. He looked over and saw Joey smiling, her arms wrapped around a sleeping Belle.

'Morning' she mouthed silently, her hand reaching over and brushing along the side of his face.

'Morning' he mouthed back, turning his head and kissing her hand. The small action sent shivers down Joey's spine. But then every little thing that Dawson did to her had that effect, it always had. She let her hand linger around his face, lightly stroking the stubble that had formed over night on his chin. She looked up and he was asleep again, although much more attractively than before.

She let her own eyes close for a moment, the scent of the children and her husband sleeping near by mesmerising her into a daydream.

'It's chirstmas!!!' Amy screamed as she jumped up and down on her dad's bed, waking the sleeping pair up.

'What!!...Amy,' Jack said, sitting up right and rubbing his sleepy eyes.

'Amy, that's not till tomorrow you know that!' Doug said, grabbing Amy and tickling her.

'We went over this last night remember?' Jack joined in, trying to save a giggling Amy from Doug's merciless tickling.

'I know, I was hoping that I could fool you,' she said in between the childish giggles.

Jack looked over at Doug and couldn't help smiling. It was typical Amy treachery. She had once come home from Kindergarten with lots of home made birthday cards from the other children, even though her birthday wasn't for another two months.

'Well with that kind of behaviour, Santa might not leave you with anything.' Doug said, lifting the tiny girl up and placing her between him and Jack.

'I know the deal here, I tell Santa what I want and he gets you to buy it.' She said, looking up at the nervous faces of her two dads.

In a flash both of them remembered last Christmas when Amy caught Doug putting the presents under the tree and they had hastily made up the 'Santa Work Share' programme. She was young enough to buy it then but was fast becoming the world wise child they both knew she was destined to become.

'Yeah, but remember that Santa also gave us the option to take away the presents if you were being particularly bad.' Jack added, winking over at Doug who nodded in acceptance.

Amy's smiling face dropped suddenly as panic surged through her. 'I'm sorry Daddy, I'm sorry Dad,' she hastily said, first to Jack and then to Doug. The distinction was ever so slight, but made a world of difference some days. Jack was always Daddy and probably always would be. Amy knew she could manipulate him to whatever she wanted. Doug however was the stern one, he was as fun as Jack but much tougher on her when she was naughty. Which was often and varying in its seriousness.

'That's okay sweetie. Now, who's for breakfast out this morning?' Doug said, clapping his hands together in over exaggerated excitement.

Amy jumped to her feet and started to jump up and down on the bed. 'Me!! Me!! Are we going to see Unky Pacey and Auntie Andie?'

'Yup, but you need to get dressed,' Jack said, getting out of bed and grabbing Amy. As much as he loved his daughter, he hated the way Doug could get her so over excited over everything.

'Okay, can I wear my ballet clothes?' Amy said as Jack carried her to her bedroom.

'No, it cold and you need to wear warm clothes so you don't get sick,'

Jack said sternly, lowering Amy into her bedroom and moving towards the wardrobe.

'But I want to look like a princess!!!' Amy said loudly, stamping her feet.

30 minutes later the three arrived at the Icehouse and took up their regular seat near the bar. They had relented slightly with Amy, she was wearing her tutu skirt, but only over a pair of warm trousers and a jumper.

'Well good morning their little Madam, I see we went for the princess look today?' Pacey said as he moved towards them.

'I'm a princess,' Amy said, slipping under the table and running towards the office behind the bar, where she knew she would find Andie.

'She's so hyperactive at Christmas. I blame Television,' Doug said, following her out of the booth and towards the bar.

'So, how are my favourite family this morning?' Pacey said, lowering himself into the booth opposite Jack. He never opened the restaurant in the mornings for anyone other than his friends and family, mostly because he enjoyed having everyone in the same place. One of the first things he did when Andie and he had returned from Australia was to buy the place back from the owner. Luckily, the owner had been Doug who was more than willing to hand back the controls to his more capable younger brother.

'Tired, excited and slightly dreading tonight.' Jack said.

'Why?'

'Wrapping the presents, getting Amy to sleep, watching Dawson possibly break his heart into a million pieces,' Jack said, glancing out of the window over the creek.

'She's going to say yes. I've not seen her this happy ever and believe me, I've seen her at some of her….more happy moments,' Pacey said, a sly smirk crossing his face.

'Gross dude, that's going to stay with me all day now,' Jack said, throwing a napkin over at him.

'What? I'm just saying that it's taken them both a long time and finally they are there.' Pacey stood up and retrieved the napkin from the floor. 'Now, do you want the usual?'

'Yes please. Where's your wife this morning?' Jack said, smiling broadly at the thought of Andie being Pacey's wife, it was something that filled him with joy every time he thought of it.

'She's out back. I think she's caught some kind of winter chill though, she's been sick for weeks. She always gets those type of bugs from the hospital.' Pacey said, moving off to the kitchen to start his pancake special breakfast he only made for his closest friends and family. As he was entering the kitchen, Andie made her way out.

'Hey darling,' she said, leaning over and kissing him lightly on the lips as she passed, trying to brush away the nausea she was feeling.

'Morning sis, Merry Christmas Eve!' Jack stood up, wrapping his arms around her tiny frame.

'Merry Christmas Eve to you too,' Andie said, hugging him tightly.' I see Amy's a little excited today?' she said, going behind the bar and setting up the coffee machine.

'Yeah, but this time of year always makes kids crazy, especially the little ones. How are you, Pacey said you were feeling sick?' Jack said, taking a seat at the bar.

'Yeah…well I'm just a little sick, cold weather and long hours you know…' Andie answered nervously.

'You don't think you're…' Jack said, looking over at his sister freezing in mid action.

'I forget you know me better than you do sometimes,' she said after what seemed like an eternity.

'Well, are you?' Jack said urgently.

'I think so, but for god sake don't tell Pacey yet. I'm not ready for the fuss he is bound to make.' Andie said, a small smile spreading across her face.

'Deal, oh Andie I'm so happy for you!!!' Jack couldn't contain his excitement much longer and leaned across the bar to hug her tightly.

'Daddy, daddy. Pacey said that I could have chocolate pancakes but only if I asked you first, is that okay?' Jack felt his trouser leg being pulled. He looked down the see a chocolate smeared Amy smiling widely.

'You can have whatever flavour of pancakes you want my darling,' Jack laughed, ruffling her hair slightly.

'Yeah, I love you daddy,' she said, hugging his leg again before running off into the kitchen.

'Remember to thank your husband for filling my child full of sugar this early on in the day,' Doug said, joining the two of them at the bar.

'I will. Any idea where Joey and Dawson are?' Andie said, passing Doug and Jack a mug of coffee each.

Suddenly, the door burst open with a flourish, Dawson holding Belle and Joey holding Dylan, the family all wearing matching Santa's hats.

'Merry Christmas Eve!' Dawson called as they came in.

'Merry Christmas to you too,' Andie said, running towards them and kissing both of them on the cheek before taking Belle out of Joey's arms so she could take her coat off.

'So are we all ready for breakfast!!' Pacey said, pushing out a trolley laden with pancakes, bacon, eggs and sausages.

'I got chocolate ones!!' Amy yelled form behind him, holding up in the air her Barbie pink plastic plate, with two little chocolate pancakes on them.

The group settled down to their breakfast, Amy hungrily devouring her pancakes and washing it down with milk, while the others ate a more traditional breakfast.

Outside, sitting in her cold car, Gretchen watched the group. Dawson casually threw his arm around Joey's shoulder, pulling her into a hug. Gretchen couldn't watch, she started the car up and moved away.

She drove fast down the high street, her eyes filling with tears for a love she had long lost. She turned onto the creek road that lead to her and Dawson's houses, unsure of what she was doing or where she was going. She knew there was so much she needed to say to her family, but she didn't want to. She also knew she had to be sure that Dawson was happy. Whatever that cost anyone else.


	5. We might as well be Strangers

A/N Hi everyone, sorry it's taken me so long to update this one. I've just been swamped. Feedback (as always) is liked lots so please tell me what you think. (by the way, Song is by Keane)

I've also started C2 COMMUNITY here for D/J fics so let me know if you want to be part of it!!

**We might as well be strangers**

Gretchen pulled up outside her old family home, the snow settling on the slightly bowing roof and covering all of the tacky ornaments her mother insisted on putting on the lawn this time of year. She smiled with the memory of her and Pacey knocking them all over one night when they were children and then telling her mother that Santa objected to them and wouldn't deliver presents if they remained.

She gripped the steering wheel tightly, even thought the car had stopped and was cold.

It had been a long time since she was home, since she had alienated herself from her family. One Christmas eve, a long time ago. The words she said rang in her head, piercing through her daydream state.

_You're just a loser Pacey, pining after a girl who obviously has no feelings for you. Working as a busboy in a restaurant! You're never going to leave this town; you're going to die here alone, broke and a failure. _

She winced with the memory of the words she had said to him. Although she had reserved the most cutting remarks for her mother and father, she knew Pacey didn't deserve what she had dished out to him. He was just trying to help her and she destroyed him.

The front door opened to show Mr Witter, standing there with a bag full of presents, presumably for his new granddaughter.

'I'll be back in a little while dear,' he called in the house before shutting the door and making his way onto the front lawn. He froze when he saw her sitting in the car, looking out towards the house. He thought he wouldn't see her again. She had made it quite clear how she felt about them all, very clear.

He moved towards the car, taking firm and confident strides. He had let her bully him once before, it was not going to happen again. He tapped on the car window, his steely gaze fixed on her tear stained face. She looked around and saw the anger and confusion in her father face and all she wanted to do was run, run away back to Boston, back to her life.

Impatient of waiting for her, he opened the car door, letting whatever cold air was in the car out.

'Come inside, you'll catch you're death,' He said in a low voice. He wordlessly left the door open and walked towards the house, not looking around to see if she was following. He knew she would.

Gretchen got out of the car gingerly and followed her father's footsteps in the snow, trying to control her emotions. When see reached the front door, not much had changed in her old, familiar family room. It was still shabby (her mother had always called it 'lived in') and nothing matched. Remnants of various kids toys were left everywhere, mixed in with the daily junk of living in a family house. She knew her sister had never moved out, preferring to stay living off her parents for ever.

'So, why are you here?' John Witter said, lowering himself into his easy chair, his face stoic.

'Well…I work for a magazine in Boston and I interviewed Joey Potter, you remember her? She went out with Pacey…'

'I know who Joey is, get to the point,' John snapped.

'Umm…well she told me about Pacey getting married and Doug becoming a father so I thought I should come home to see…'

'You're family? You still call us that? I thought we were just the 'dysfunctional people that god had dumped you with'. Is that right? Did I remember the speech properly?' John said, glaring at her.

'Yeah that's what I said. Dad, I didn't mean any of it…'

'Oh you did Gretchen, I could see it in your eyes. You meant it. You meant every single word of it.' John said, getting to his feet and walking towards the fire.

'I was dealing with a lot of things back then. I was confused…'

'Obviously. Or you wouldn't have come back here. You must have been confused to think we would have all forgiven you.' John said bitterly, watching the embers in the fire burn.

'John dear. Who are you….Gretchen?' Mrs Witter said, walking into the room to find her estranged daughter in the room.

'Hi Mom,' she offered carefully.

'Oh, my baby…' she ran towards her, enveloping her in a deep hug. 'My baby girl, you're alright. How could you do that to us?' Mrs Witter's voice changed sharply and she pushed her out of her arms.

'I'm sorry, I…'

'She was confused,' John said in a whiney voice, mimicking his daughter.

'John! Well what are you doing back here? Where are you staying?' Mrs Witter said, pulling Gretchen towards the couch and making her take a seat next to her.

'Well I heard about Pacey and Doug and wanted to see for myself. Plus, I wanted to try and make up for all the things I said all those years ago.'

'Does that include Dawson? Are you going to apologise to him for what you did?' John's voice silenced the room.

Gretchen took a deep breath. 'Yes, it does,'

'God you suck at this Pacey, no wonder Mom and Dad bought a dishwasher,' Doug said, looking over at the mess Pacey was making washing the dishes.

'Hey, I just cooked you a first class breakfast you know? Some respect is due' Pacey said, throwing a wet dishcloth at him.

'You're going to pay for that little brother,' Doug said, picking up a hand full of suds from the sink and smearing them all over his face.

Pacey didn't rise to the bait this time, just smirked through the suds and carried on washing. Breakfast had been a success, as it always was. Now he had to start preparing the Christmas feast he had organised for the next day. Last Christmas, dinner was over shadowed by the arrival of the Leery twins and no one really remembered to cook dinner, so Pacey had made everyone Pasta and fresh cooked bread, a feast but not a seasonal one. This year, was going to be different.

'Will you two ever stop bickering?' Joey said as she came into the kitchen with another load of plates.

'Well you know me and bickering Potter, my life's work,' Pacey said, taking the dishes from her.

'Well one of these days…now I've got the two of you together can I tell you something?' Joey started carefully.

'God, you're not pregnant again are you?' Pacey blurted out, leaving Doug opened mouthed and Joey crimson with shock.

'I'll choose to ignore that. When I was on my book tour, I saw Gretchen.'

She was met with silence and two stony faces. Pacey gritted his teeth and continued to rise the dishes, while Doug looked a Joey earnestly.

'How is she?' Doug said.

'She seems…okay. She words for a magazine, she a journalist now,' Joey started, looking for Doug to Pacey to gage their reaction. 'I told her about the changes that have happened over the last 4 years. She seemed to miss you though,'

'Yeah well the feeling is not mutual, so if you don't mind I need to clear up,' Pacey said suddenly, making his way out into the office.

'I'm sorry Jo, it's not you. Gretchen kind of left a huge wave in her wake last time she saw us all.'

'What happened?' Joey said, taking over Pacey's job of rinsing the dishes.

'Well she was in LA for about a year, maybe two, and she seemed really happy. Then she came home for Christmas, got steaming drunk and told us all what she thought of us, really hurtful stuff.'

'Where was I when all this happened? Surely I would have heard about it?'

'Weren't you in New York with Jen and Grams?' Doug offered, unsure of where anyone was the year.

'You're right, I remember. Dawson didn't want to come home for some reason, Pacey was too wrapped up with the restaurant and Jack went to see Andie in Italy so we decided there was no point.' Joey remembered sombrely, thinking of how alive Jen and Grams were that year.

'Well after her torrent of abuse she passed out and when we all got up on Christmas morning, she was gone. I haven't heard anything of her since. I tried to trace her a while ago but found nothing.' Doug said sadly, a frown forming on his face.

'Well I can give you the magazine's number and you can try to trace her if you want?' Joey said, drying her hands of a towel and reaching over to Doug's arm.

'Thanks Joey, I'd appreciate that,'

'I think that's enough lights Dawson, aircraft might get confused and land here,' Lily said, watching her brother string another set of lights along the dock.

'It's called setting the mood, something you wouldn't know anything about. Since you insisted on staying with me rather than go shopping, would you pass me that box please?' Dawson said, exasperated that his little sister wouldn't take the hint to go last minute shopping for the twin's birthday party tonight with Joey and Gail while the twins were at Bessie's.

'Sure grumpy, here you go,' Lily threw the box at him and ran up to the house, slamming the door loudly.

Damm, thought Dawson. She was getting the Leery temper alright and at a much earlier age than he had. He looked over the instructions on the back of the box once more and plugged in the final extension chord. Tonight would be a magical evening; he was making sure of it. Every detail was planned for, every light and musical cue had been checked twice. It was going to be spectacular. He looked down the creek and saw his own house, covered in lights of it's own. It amazed him that in one year he had gone from living in a cramped apartment in New York to a house almost identical to his own.

Tonight was the night, the night he had been dreaming of most of his adult life. The night when he would finally ask Joey Potter to marry him. And nothing would ruin it.

He heard a car on the drive way and quickly tried to hide the box of lights and decorations behind on of the bushes by the dock, hoping that they hadn't seen what was happening. He wanted to keep everything a surprise to the right moment.

He heard the crunching of snow under foot, slow methodical steps down towards the dock. There were no voices however, making wonder if it was actually Joey and Gail. He came out from his hiding place and walked towards the unfamiliar figure on the dock.

'Hi can I help…' he stopped when he saw who it was.

'Hi Dawson,' Gretchen said quietly, a small smile forming on her face.

Dawson stood dumbstruck. Hate and loathing evaporated from him.

'What….when?' Dawson began, unable to finish his sentence.

'I came home for Christmas. How are you?' Gretchen continued, seemingly unfazed by his unfriendly tone.

'What are you doing here Gretchen. You made yourself very clear to me, you made it very clear,' Dawson said, turning and walking towards the house.

'Trying to apologise, you're not going to make it easy are you?' Gretchen laughed lightly.

'Oh, and leaving me with no clue where you had gone and then returning a month later to say you had aborted our child was easy on me?' Dawson's face grew red with anger, his eyes drilling into her face.

'I deserved that,'

'You deserve a lot more,' Dawson turned and walked up to the house.

'I'm sorry Dawson, I'm sorry I hurt you. I truly am, but you don't understand what I was going through.'

'You didn't tell me Gretch! All I knew was we were happy, really happy together. And then you just vanished, didn't call me or write. And the you come home, expect everything to have remained the same and then announce, as if you are almost proud of it, that you had 'sorted out our problems' by having an abortion. So no, I didn't know what you were going through because you didn't tell me,' Dawson said, his voice rising as he turned and walked towards her.

'I was depressed Dawson,' she said simply, looking away from him.

'You could have told me, I would have been there for you,' Dawson softened slightly.

'The truth was, I didn't know if the baby was yours.' Gretchen said, looking down at her feet.

Dawson swallowed angrily, glaring at her through almost closed eyes. 'What?'

'When you went home to visit Joey and everyone I got all worked up and jealous. So I went to a bar with some girlfriends and…you know. I found out I was pregnant and thought it could have been either of you and I didn't want to always wonder, I didn't want you to have to always wonder.' She looked up and saw his face still clenched and angry.

'You didn't give me the choice. You assumed I would be like everyone other man you knew.'

'Would you have never wondered? Would you have accepted that child as your own?' she asked, her voice getting more agitated.

'In a heartbeat. Because it would have been yours and that would have been enough for me.' Dawson said in a low murmur, his eyes fixed on her face as her heart broke.

Silenced filled the already still garden, both of them stuck in their own world of 'what if?' Neither of them willing to make a move.

'I hear you have kids of your own now? How are they?' Gretchen finally said, breaking the silence.

'Fine. More than fine, they are my life's dream.' Dawson said, not wanted to wax lyrical about the children he had, soon after thinking about the child they had lost.

'And Joey, does she make you happy?'

'Oh no, not again. I'm not having this same argument with you. Go home, go back to wherever you've been hiding and don't come back.' Dawson said angrily, marching his way up to the steps of the house.

'I just need to know if she makes you happy. If she's everything you dreamed she would be. If the constant dreaming and hollow relationships of the last 10 years were worth it Dawson. I need to know that our shell of a relationship was worth it,' she shouted angrily towards him, marching right up after him.

'If our relationship was a shell, you made it. I loved you, I loved you more than you ever acknowledged because you were so hung up on the idea that I was always going to be in love with Joey.' Dawson spun around to come face to face with her.

'But I was right wasn't I? In the end you got your dream,'

'You were my dream, I wanted to be with you. But you pushed me aside.' He said, watching as tears started to fall down her face. 'Joey and I found each other again and it's the happiest I've ever been. But when I was with you, I wanted it to be us. I wanted it to be us forever.'

Dawson reached over a brushed the tears from her face.

_I don't know your face no more,_

_Or feel the touch that I adore._

Gretchen reached up and held his hand to her face, knowing that this would be the last touch she would ever have from this man, in this place.

_I don't know your face no more, _

_It's just a place I'm looking for_

'God I love you Dawson,' she mumbled through her tears. Dawson instinctively pulled her into his arms, stroking her hair, feeling her body shake with tears.

_We might as well be strangers in another time_

_We might as well be living in a different world,_

_We might as well,_

_We might as well,_

_We might as well,_

'You need to move on Gretchen, that was a lifetime ago. I'm with Joey now. We have a family, I love her more than anything. You need to find that too,' Dawson said softly, letting go of her.

_I don't know your thoughts these days,_

_We're strangers in, _

_In an empty space,_

'I thought I had, with you.' She said, brushing her own tears away and trying to straighten herself up.

'No, it's gone Gretchen. I'm sorry,' he said quietly, unsure of what to say next.

'Okay. I won't play the stupid 'lets be friends' card because I know that won't happen,' she said bitterly.

'I'm a forgiving guy, give it some time.' He said kindly, knowing that it would be impossible to forgive her everything.

_I don't understand your mind,_

_It easier to be apart,_

'Well good bye then, I suppose I better go meet my new extended family,' she said, turning away quickly.

'Bye Gretch,' he said as she walked towards her car, climbing in and the driving off hastely.

_We might as well be strangers in another time,_

_We might as well be living in another time,_

_We might as well_

_We might as well_

_We might as well_

_Be strangers,_

_Be Strangers_

_For all I know of you now_


	6. Second Best

Hey Everyone, this is the 2nd part of the last chapter, it was too big as one so I have broken it down into two parts.

**Second Best**

Dawson sat on the porch, head in his hands, recounting the encounter over and over again. He really thought he would never see her again. Never hear about her again. But then, that was optimistic. Moving back to their home town and being best friends with both her brothers would contradict that.

He thought back to that late summer, all those years ago when he first saw her standing in line at his local movie theatre in the down trodden area of LA he was stuck in. Nothing was happening for him then, the TV show was stuck in development hell and he was living in a shared house with 5 other struggling directors. Joey had started her new life in New York and had all but cut herself off and he was alone.

'_Hey stranger…' she spun around at the sound of his familiar voice, her face lighting up with recognition. _

'_Dawson!' she said, leaping into his familiar arms 'What are you doing here?'_

'_I live here.' He replied, taking in how beautiful she had become with age._

'_Me too. Wow, it's so weird to see you,' she said, seeing how the naïve young man she left behind had turned into the man she knew he was bound to become._

'_Weird good or weird bad?' he asked, raising his eyebrow comically._

'_Buy me a coffee and we can find out?' she said smiling._

And there it started; the first serious relationship Dawson ever had. Not serious in the depth of feeling, but serious in the practical aspects. They found themselves a tiny studio apartment, set up home and wrapped their lives around each other. He would proof read her articles of a small magazine she was writing for and she would offer opinions on his work. And things were good. They were comfortable. And he really thought he could fall in love with her again.

And then the phone call came on day.

'_Hello?'_

'_Dawson!'_

'_Joey, how are you? Where have you been, I've been trying to call you forever,'_

'_I'm sorry; I haven't actually had somewhere to live to for the last 3 months. But I am sharing an apartment with Jen now. We were wondering if you would like to come visit?'_

'_We miss you Dawson!!' Jen screamed from behind her._

'_Hmmm, I don't know. I'm really busy and I can't really leave…'_

'_What can't you leave that's more important than your two ex girlfriends wanting to see you,' Jen said, stealing the phone from Joey's hand._

'_But my girlfriend….'_

'_Girlfriends may come and go Dawson, but friends remain forever!' Jen screamed, falling over in a fit of giggles. Dawson couldn't help but smile._

'_Look, if you don't want to come visit that's fine. But it would be great to see you, I miss you Dawson,' Joey said quietly. Dawson's heart flipped. _

'_Okay, I'll get a flight out next week. What's your number and I will call you with the details….' He said, not noticing Gretchen watching the whole thing unfold._

They argued a lot about it, Gretchen not wanting Dawson to leave, Dawson wanting Gretchen to join him, Gretchen not wanting to visit Joey. Gretchen begged him to stay with her, saying that she couldn't cope without him being here. Dawson said it was unfair that he couldn't see his friends and family. She threatened to be gone when he came back. But Dawson went regardless and stayed for a month, visiting his family in Capeside and spending time with everyone. He told no one about Gretchen, knowing how Joey reacted to his girlfriends. He also didn't want Joey to know, for whatever irrational reason. He thought it was the right thing to do.

He remembers the rain on his skin as he unlocked the door to their apartment. Calling out her name, never to get an answer. He spent weeks looking for her, calling her friends, calling her family. He even filed a missing person report.

It took a month for her to come back, to resurface. He was asleep and she undressed and climbed back into his bed, positioning herself in his arms. He felt her warm skin and held her close, automatically assuming it was another dream.

'_God I missed you,' she whispered against his chest._

'_I miss you too Joey…' he murmured, lost in his dream world._

_She automatically stiffened and her change in posture awoke Dawson enough for him to see it wasn't a dream, Gretchen was in his arms._

'_Gretchen!' he shouted, throwing the blanket off of the pair of them to confirm it was really her._

'_Hey,' she said, climbing out of bed and dressing herself._

'_Oh my god, are you okay? I've been out of my mind with worry! Do you know that your father is searching all over the country for you,' he said, jumping out of bed and trying to hold her. _

'_Well I'm okay, you can tell him I'm fine,' she said bitterly, pulling her sweater over her head and making her way over to the couch. _

'_So no explanation, no idea where you've been for the 2 months?' Dawson said, following her to the other side of the room._

'_I needed some space, to figure out things,' she said in a low voice, rummaging through the drawers in the coffee table._

'_And you couldn't have just told me this?' he said, angrily sitting next to her and grabbing her wrists. _

'_Well no, I couldn't of. You were preoccupied with your little trip,' she said, pulling her hands out of his tight grip._

'_Are we having this same argument again? Look, Joey is my best friend and nothing more to me,' Dawson lied, avoiding eye contact with her._

'_Yeah well, you can go enjoy yourself all you want with her. We're through. I have done some major things to try and save this relationship and you've done nothing…' she faltered, crying as she gathered her things in her lap._

'_Like what, leaving?' Dawson said bitterly, spitting the words out with venom._

'_No, like have an abortion,'_

_Thunder and lighting raged outside, but the room was silent. Dawson sat in shock, watching as she calming collected her possessions._

'_When?' he asked quietly_

'_When you were in New York, that's where I've been. I was trying to get my head together,'_

'_Why? Why didn't you tell me, we could have talked, tried to…'_

'_Tried to what Dawson? You tell me what you would have done to save this relationship? I did the only thing I thought you would have wanted me to do. You barely want to be in a relationship with me, let alone have a child with me,' she shouted, getting up and grabbing her bag, stuffing paper and jewellery inside._

'_But I…'_

'_Don't use that word with me Dawson, I know it's a lie,' she said, spinning around._

'_But we could, eventually, love each other. I do love you…' he said, a panicked look over his face._

'_Tell me you love me more than you have ever loved Joey and I will stay,' she said suddenly, dropping her bag on the floor._

'_I…..I…. I can't do that, we've been best friends forever. What I feel for you is different…' he faltered, trying to look her square in the eye as he lied._

'_Yeah, the difference is that I'm foolish enough to actually love you back. Goodbye Dawson,' she said, grabbing her bag and coat and slamming the door shut behind her._

'Dawson? Hey, where are you? You day dreaming?' Joey's voice cut through the fog of his memory. He turned and saw her sitting on the swing next to him, a smile spread across her face. She leaned over and kissed him tenderly.

'Mmmm, I missed that. We bought some great stuff for the kids. Do wanna see?' she said, standing up and holding out her hand.

'Actually, can we go for a walk? I need some fresh air,' he said, he face pale with panic and worry.

'Sure honey, are you okay?' she said, leading him down the porch steps and onto the crispy snow.

'No, not really. I need to talk to you about something.' He said, gripping her hands tightly.

'You're kinda of scaring Dawson, what is this about?' she said, stopping and turning to face him.

'It's about my past,'


	7. Out of the Blue

A/N. Considering the mass debate my last two updates caused on Feels Like Home….it's a hotbed people… I just want to make things slightly more clear.

Dawson is not saying he loves Gretchen more, just that if she hadn't run away they might have made things work…

Okay, now that is cleared up….tut… I will continue.

**Out of the Blue**

Joey gripped Dawson's cold hand tightly and exhaled loudly. Her temples were throbbing, sharp stabs of pain racking her head.

'So that's it. I should have told you. I was going to at mom's wedding but…it didn't seem right. Me lamenting over my messy break-up while Jen was dying…' he trailed off and tried to search Joey's face for some emotion.

Joey remained still, looking over the near frozen lake at the ruins. Joey had naively thought that Dawson was going to ask her the question she'd been wanting to here for the last year. She lowered her head, never letting go of his hands.

'I love you Jo, more than anything. You have to know that,' he said weakly.

'I know Dawson…' she said quietly, exhaling again deeply.

'I need to know what you're thinking.' He said, turning himself to face her.

'I just…why didn't you come to me after it all happened? You know I would have looked after you.' She said earnestly, her face awash with concern.

'You seem surprising calm about this' he said surprised. He really thought she would have reacted like she had with his previous girlfriends.

'This isn't high school. I'm not going to fly off the handle whenever an ex-girlfriend comes into town. Do you love me more than her? You've not brought me here to tell me your whole life's been a lie and you want to leave me?' she said calmly

'Of course not. He said, moving his colds hands to her face and cupping her chin.

'Well then…why are you being all melodramatic about it?'

'I am predisposed to it,' he said, laughing lightly under his breath.

'How can I possibly be mad at you for your past when you have had to sit through all of my messing dealings with men? And I'm much worse, I actually had Pacey pinned down as the real deal.' She said, reaching over and running her hand through his hair.

'I know, but you guys never... you know,' he said.

'I hate to shatter your allusions honey, but we did…quite a lot,'

'Not in my mind you didn't. Pacey is like a Ken doll, none of the correct parts included. And anyway, you never considered kids with Pacey,' he said confidently, standing up and reaching out his hand for her.

'We did actually Dawson, well I did before he left,' Joey said, pulling herself to her feet.

'Really? I mean seriously considered them?'

'Or course. Dawson, I wanted to have a family with Pacey. I thought he was the one. When he left I realised that he clearly wasn't and when I saw you, that first time in my hallway, I knew you were,' Joey wrapped her arms around his waist and started to nuzzle her head into the crook of his head. 'And now, we have a perfect family.'

'I know. I'm just…shocked to see her again. She broke me in two and I don't know if I confused the feeling of being hurt by her with…'

'The feeling of being in love with her? Believe me, been there,' Joey said bitterly, closing her eyes tightly and inhaling deeply.

'So what do we do now?' He said, kissing the top of her head gently.

'I say we go home to see our kids, before they forget who we are!' Joey stood straight and playfully punched him in the shoulder.

'Joey…I love you,' he said, looking over at her walking away, her hand out stretched to his.

'I love you too Dawson Leery,' she said earnestly. Dawson walked towards her and then stopped abruptly.

'Wait, there's something else…'

'Potatoes Jack, I need potatoes!' Pacey yelled from the kitchen, tossing about pots and pans loudly.

'I'm peeling as fast as I can Pace,' Jack said flustered. He looked out of the open door and saw Doug playing with Amy in the empty restaurant. It was a sight that still warmed him heart. Amy was growing into a precocious young girl and Doug was matching her, step by step. He knew they would be fine.

'Quit eyeing up my brother and get peeling, I haven't got all day.' Pacey seethed, as he chopped an onion violently.

'What the hell is wrong with you?' Jack said, throwing down his potato and moving towards Pacey.

Pacey's chopping slowed and he took and deep breath, finally stopping and lowering his hands to the work surface.

'Gretchen has miraculously reappeared, probably for round two.' He said, no looking up to meet Jack's concerned expression.

'That would explain a lot. Have you seen her?'

'No, she interviewed Joey on her book tour. If she has any sense, she would stay away.' Pacey said, his anger rising.

'Pacey, I know she said a lot of hurtful things but you should never refuse to see her. She's your family,' Jack said, tentatively placing his arm around Pacey's clenched shoulder.

Suddenly Pacey threw Jack's well meaning arm off his shoulder and stormed out of the kitchen, pulling hi apron off and coat on as he left. Jack looked on concerned as his brother in law stormed out of the restaurant, causing Doug to stand up to follow.

'Wait, let him go Doug.' Jack said quickly, as Doug pulled his coat on.

'But he's my…' Doug started.

'He's gotta work this one out himself.' Jack said simply, walking over to Amy and swimming her up into his arms.

'Where's Unky Pacey gone daddy?' Amy said innocently, looking between her two dads for some explanation.

'He's just gone to see Auntie Andie sweetie, he will be back soon,' Doug lied, affectionately touching his daughters soft curls.

Pacey stormed off to the bridge near his restaurant, anger driving him through the snow. He knew Jack meant well but he has no idea of the depth of anger he felt towards his sister. When they grew up, she was always there for him, telling him that things would be better and that he could do all the things that his then unsympathetic father said he couldn't. She actively encouraged his relationship with Joey when they were in high school, one of the only people who actually did. Of course, he knew deep down it was some kind of ploy for Dawson's affection. He reached the middle of the bridge and stopped, hanging his arms over the rail and lowering his head. He really wished that Andie was here. She had gone to the doctors to get checked over for flu. She'd been ill for weeks now.

He inhaled the cold winter air deeply, hoping it might clear his thoughts, spilling them into the near frozen river.

'Ummm, sit here,' Dawson led Joey to the edge of the ruins, sitting her down of the marble bench that had been there favourite place when they were teenagers.

'You're not going to tell me you got another of your ex girlfriends pregnant are you? I think this Christmas is already special enough…' Joey said sarcastically.

'Ha ha. Now…' Dawson fumbled, wringing his hand and turning to face the lake.

'Dawson?' Joey asked, completely confused.

'Okay, I was going to do this later but…ummm… I don't know.' Dawson quickly lowered himself on one knee and looked up and Joey.

'Oh my god.' She said almost as a whisper.

'No, no….' Dawson got up quickly and walked back to his spot facing the lake.

'Dawson? Is this what I think this is?' Joey stood up and moved behind him, wrapping her arm around his and kissing his cheek. She couldn't hide the smile across her face.

'This was supposed to be so perfect. I had a huge thing planned at home, on the dock. I spent all morning stringing little lights on the trees and…'

'Whatever you are going to say to me, doesn't need to be validated by sparkly lights and perfect stage setting.'

Dawson looked over and saw the smile on her face, her eyes watering slightly. A small laugh escaped her mouth.

'You're laughing at me?'

'How could I not? Dawson Leery, perfectionist and romantic, has just about managed to ask me to marry him without the actual asking.'

Dawson blushed red, his face softening as he turned to face Joey.

'So, will you?' he said, simply, cupping her face in his hands.

'Do you need to ask?'

She leaned forward on tip toes and kissed him softly on his lips. The kiss deepened, Dawson embracing her tightly. They broke away and stared deeply into each other's eyes, Joey's now streaming with water.

'So, do I still get the Hollywood proposal?' Joey said, as they touched foreheads.

'Well, the people would expect nothing less,' Dawson said, stroking her face gently.

'You mean the other's knew?'

'What do you think I've been doing while you've been away?' Dawson laughed.

'I don't know, looking after our kids?'

'Yeah, well there's not much to do when they sleep'

'I love you.' Joey said, reaching up for another kiss.

'I love you too,' he said, before losing himself once more in her arms.

It had been 30 minutes in the cold air and Pacey anger had now cooled to a dull pain. He hurt. The things she said all those years ago still cut him deeply. He shook his head and turned to walk away.

'You like being freezing?'

Pacey looked up and saw Andie standing there, two cups of hot chocolate in hand. She was wrapped up in her huge winter coat, topped off with the embarrassingly bright woolly hat.

'Takes the edge off of Christmas,' he replied, smiling widely.

She moved towards him and placed the two mugs on the handrail of the bridge.

'That seemed like a good idea when I was in the restaurant.' She said as some of the hot liquid spilled.

'You amaze me sometimes MacPhee.'

'Doug and Jack told me everything, are you okay?' She said, hugging him.

'I am now, I am now,' he said, closing his eyes and holding her tightly.

'It's going to be okay, you know?'

'It hurts Andie, it really hurts.' He said.

'I don't know what to say to make this better Pacey, I don't. All I can say is that people say stupid things when they are angry or hurt, things they don't mean. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you, she always will. She's your sister.'

'If she still loved me she would have contacted me years ago.' Pacey said, pulling away slowly and picking up the hot chocolate to warm himself.

'There is no excuse for not contacting you, but you don't know everything that might have happened to her. Search her out Pacey, find her and make your peace. If not for you, then for the rest of your family.' Andie moved to his side, gripping his arm.

He turned to face his loving wife and saw the reassuring look she gave him.

'I'll think about it.' He leant over and kissed her on the forehead.

'So, I've found how bad my flu is.' Andie said, smiling.

'How bad?'

'Well it should clear up in about 7 months time, give or take a week,' Andie said, smiling.

'Have you got TB or something?' Pacey said, totally missing the point.

Andie put her hand on her hip and tilted her head, looking at him quizzically.

'Well?' he said.

'I'll wait for you to catch up Pacey, I'm going inside.' She removed her hand for her hip and placed it on Pacey's cheek, kissing him on the lips. With her other hand she slipped a card into his pocket. She turned and walked away giggling hysterically as she went.

'Andie? Andie!' Pacey called after her but she carried on walking. He shock his head, bemusing his odd wife. He shoved his hand in his pockets and felt the hard card. He pulled it out, it was cream with a little rattle on the front over.

'What on…?'

He opened the card to see the scan of a baby, he could barely make it out. How was this? He read the inscription on the other side of the card.

_Baby's first scan._

_24th of December 2010_

'That's today's date' Pacey thought to himself. He looked again at the picture and saw the inscription around the side of the picture.

Andrea Witter, 24/12/10

Realisation hit Pacey like a truck had lost control and knocked him off the bridge. Andie was pregnant. Pregnant with his baby.

He was going to be a dad.

'Andie!' he screamed, trying to run as fast he could on the frozen foot path.

'Andie Witter, wait one second.' He shouted, yet Andie's course remained un-changed.

He finally caught up with her outside the restaurant.

'You really need to learn the fine art of hint taking Mr Witter,' Andie said, seeing her smiling husband race towards her. He picked her up and swung her in his arms.

He stopped suddenly, remembering the reason they were celebrating.

'Sorry, sorry! Are you okay, do you need to sit down?' Pacey said, pulling her hat snuggling onto her head and rewrapping her scarf around her neck.

'I'm fine Pacey. Are you okay?'

'Am I okay? I'm ecstatic! I'm absolutely terrified! I'm probably the happiest I've ever been in my life.' He gushed, kissing Andie passionately.

'Well….I'm glad….you're happy.' She said, in between his kisses.

'Lets go inside, you're frozen,' Pacey said, seeing her nose turning red. He grabbed her hands and started to pull her up the gangway to the front door of the restaurant.

Pacey opened the door and saw Amy happily playing on the floor with her toys. Pacey's heart swelled with anticipation of what was yet to come, the day he could watch his own child playing. He fought back the tears quickly.

'Guys? Anyone here?' Andie yelled, taking her coat off.

'In here!' Jack yelled. They made their way to the kitchen, picking up Amy along the way and found an assembly line of people working furiously.

'What happening here?' Pacey said, seeing that Jack had organised work stations for all the different things they were going to be eating that night.

'Well I called around and got people here to help.' Jack said, coming over and patting Pacey on the back.

Dawson and Joey were preparing vegetables at the sink, playfully flicking water at each other and laughing. Alexander and Lily were taking the cutlery and condiments out to Mitch's husband John who was laying the massive table that was taking up the length of the restaurant. Doug was checking the sauces and other items already on the stove while Gail was busy making the vast array of puddings that were on offer.

'Guys, this is too much.' Pacey said, putting his arm around Andie and Jack.

'Not for the chef,' Bodie said, pulling the turkey out of the oven and basting it.

'Anyway, it's the least we can do Pace. You were practically looking the kids while I was away,' Joey said, coming over and hugging him tightly.

'Well, you know me. I love kids.' Andie and Jack shared a secret smile that no one noticed.

'Seriously man, thank you,' Dawson said, sharing a hug with his best friend.

'Hey Joey, does this child leak all the time 'cause I gotta tell you, it ain't something you are going to want to promote.' A familiar voice said from the doorway of Pacey's office.

'Audrey!' Pacey said, jogging over to a smiling Audrey, who was holding a sniffling Belle.

'Hey there Mr Chef,' she said, passing Belle to Gail and enveloping him in a deep hug.

'What are you doing here? I thought you were in Europe still,'

'I was but then you guys go and do things without me, like get married and have kids. I thought I should be here this time, in case something else monumental happens and I miss it again. I'll tell ya, it takes a lot to catch up with you lot.' Audrey babbled, ruffling Pacey's hair.

'You never change do you?' Pacey said, looking her up and down. She hadn't aged like the other's had, mostly to do with the excessive amount of grooming that had been lavished upon her once she became the famous singer everyone knew she would be.

'Why would I? It makes me quintessentially me. See Joey, I do use that education of mine,'

'When? I can't see how your Ivy League knowledge helped with your recent trip to the Rivera with a certain A List movie star,' Jack said, raising his eyebrow.

'…I refuse to comment. But I will say this, it was an education in its own right,' she moved towards Jack seductively, running her finger up his chest and to his lips as to silence him. He blushed a deep red before Audrey burst out laughing and she hugged him.

'Come on you guys, dinner won't make itself! Now, pass me that apron Witter,' Audrey said.

'Yes mamm,' Pacey said, passing her an Icehouse apron and smiling. Everyone was here, everyone he loved. This really was going to be a magical Christmas.


	8. Take A Bow

A/n this is it. Finto, no more…..la la la, I'm not listening to further request for this fiction...well maybe a quick epilogue. Feedback will make me post it faster!

**Take a bow**

She stood in front of the restaurant, watching the happy group all sitting down to dinner. Everyone was laughing; the kids all had huge smiles on their faces while the adults all had contented looks. The scene was hectic but she could tell was full of love.

Love that she needed to earn back.

After leaving Dawson on the lawn she drove around town, thinking about everything. Everything she had done and said. The guilt washed over her like a huge wave. She knew she had hurt her family more than anyone deserved.

She had hurt Dawson more. She watched up pick him a baby in a pink hat.

_That must be his daughter. _

He ticked her side and she giggled furiously, kicking her legs in the air. He swung her around in a big circle before settling her on her mother's lap. Joey looked up at him and smiled. He kissed her, not a passionate all encompassing kiss, but a tender, delicate kiss.

It was the look between them that cut her to the quick. She had never had that with Dawson, that undeniable spark was never there. They smiled conspiratorially, looking around and laughing. Gretchen tore her eyes away from them and settled it on Jack and Doug. They were sitting with a small blond child between them. She suddenly climbed up on to Doug's lap and planted a huge kiss on his check. Doug held her tightly, picking up a piece of food and feeding it to her. Jack looked on and smiled, a blond girl who Gretchen didn't recognise moving behind him and hugging him tightly.

Andie tried to good humouredly push the girl aside but she clung onto him for dear life, shouting something that made the whole room laugh.

Pacey swooped Andie up before anything else could be said. She spun in his arms to face him and kissed him passionately. Pacey looked contended.

They all did.

She took one last look at her brothers and turned to walk away. She walked around the corner to her waiting car, ready to leave them. She had already spoken to her parents. They understood she had to go home. Back to Boston. Back to her life.

She turned on her cell phone for the first time since she left the city. Her voicemail button flashed. She knew who it would be. Pressing it, she raised the phone to her ear.

_You have 5 new messages._

_First Message was left at 9.30 am today._

'_Honey? It's Steven. I don't know where you are but I've been knocking on your door for the last 20 minutes. Call me. Love you,'_

_Next Message was left at 10.00am today._

'_It's Steve again. I'm really concerned now, the super is going to bust the door open if you don't answer. I'm going to check if your car is still around. If you get this message, please call me? I love you Gretchen.'_

_Next Message, left today at 12.00pm_

'_So you're car's gone, the apartment's empty and you've packed some clothes. Where have you gone?'_

She didn't need to hear the other messages; she knew who they would be from. Pressing her speed dial button, she called him.

'Hi, it's me…I'm sorry, family emergency back home I had to leave right away…No it's all okay, I'm on the way home now….Should be home for Christmas…I'm sorry…I love you too baby, I'll see you soon…bye,' She hung the phone up and sighed.

She had been dating Steve for almost a year. She did love him, not the fiery passionate love that she had experienced with others but love all the same. She didn't know if he was the one, but she knew he was the one right now…at the very least.

She pulled a scrap of paper out of her bag, her mother's handwriting barely legible. Dialling the number slowly, she lifted the phone to her ear once more.

_Hi you've reached Pacey and Andie Witter. If it's a medical emergency, please call Dr Witter her cell phone on 001-8645-7843 or leave a message after the tone…_

'Hi Pacey, it's Gretchen. Long time no hear hey? …that was lame, I'm sorry. Look, I can totally understand why you might not want to talk to me and believe me; if I were you I wouldn't speak to me either. I just want a chance to make things right. Mum and Dad will tell you I came to town today. I wanted to see you, to say this in person but I watched you with your family. She's beautiful Pacey, I'm really happy for you. I didn't want to bring drama into your life on Christmas Eve. So, I live in Boston. Mum and Dad have my contact details, so if you want to, call me. Doug too. I love you Pacey. Take care,'

She tearfully hung the phone up, throwing it into her bag by her side. She took several deep breaths, closing her eyes tightly so no tears would escape. She would not cry. Not now.

She started the car and pulled away from the curb, driving one last time past the restaurant, its windows awash with a warm glow.

One day, she told herself, you can join them. One day soon.

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

'Thanks for throwing such a great party Gail! This rocks!' Audrey said, leaning up against the banister in the Leery home. The meal had wrapped up and they were all back to the house for the twins birthday.

'Well coming from such a party animal like you Audrey, that's quite a compliment.'

'Ohhh, nice,' she said, looking over at Gail's husband John 'Let me just say, you managed to snag a good one there. He is hot and then some,'

Gail blushed at Audrey's comments. It was true, she had started to see John because of his physic and good looks, but she had fallen in love with the sensitive man he was.

'Thanks Audrey, I'm sure he would be…flattered to know you thought of him so highly,' Gail downed her glass of wine and glanced at her watch.

10 minutes till show time.

She watched Dawson in the kitchen, Pacey and Andie with him talking animatedly. He seemed calm, a lot calming that she thought he would be. Joey was upstairs putting the children to sleep in Lily's room. Gail had made sure that no one was entering the rooms at the front of the house, under Dawson's strict instructions.

Pacey patted Dawson on the back one last time, as Andie embraced him and he made his way through the party to her.

'Well this is it. You look more nervous that I do!' he said, pulling his coat and scarf off the hat stand.

'I am! It's not every day that your only son asks his girlfriend to marry him. I'm so happy for you. Dad would be too,' she said, tearing up slightly.

'I know mom, I know,' he held her close to his chest. 'Just follow the plan and everything will be fine. I promise you,' He kissed her on the cheek and walked out the front door, being carefully not to slam it.

Everyone got into their position's around the house, hiding carefully in their allotted spots. Gail turned the music down slightly and ducked into the now unused dark room with John and Lily.

Joey walked down the stairs and immediately could tell something was up. No one was here. The drinks were left untouched, the music was still playing and the front door was open.

'Hello? Where did that party go?'

She peaked outside on the porch and found no one. The silhouette of a man was on the dock, pacing up and down, wringing his hands.

_This is it…_

She tried to contain her smile as she went back inside and pulled her jacket on, trying to pull herself together. It wasn't working.

Striding out onto the lawn, Dawson caught sight of her and stopped pacing. A smile spread onto his face as he saw her nervous expression.

'So……' Joey began, but lost her train of thought.

'Yeah….' He embraced her tightly, feeling her shake slightly. 'You nervous,'

'No…yes…I don't know anymore,' she said over his shoulder, looking out onto the creek.

'Well, we've already done this…we're pro's now,' he step away and smiled at her, pulling a small box out of his pocket.

'So I don't get any of the slushy stuff then?' she put her hands on her hips. Surely he wasn't going to propose like that.

He laughed and looked out onto the creek, lifting the box to match his gaze.

'Oh you're going to get the slushy stuff…,' he pressed the box and lights on the water suddenly caught her attention. In the middle of the near frozen creek, it's oars covered in sparkly lights to match the rest of it, was Joey's rowing boat.

Joey's hand flew to her mouth, followed by a quick laugh.

'Wow! I didn't expect that.'

Dawson smiled and aimed the box at the tree in the front yard. The tree sprung to life with the same tiny little lights, then the bushes and finally the dock. The whole area was glowing with an eerie light.

'Oh my god. This is too much Dawson….I'm…speechless,'

He moved closer to her and took her hands, leaning forward a kissing her on the cheek.

'Not for you, nothing is ever too much for you…' he whispered in her ear. A blush crept across her already red face.

'So what next? No fireworks, dancers in tight costumes?' Joey laughed, trying to hide the nerves which were shaking through her body.

'No,' Dawson laughed 'Just this…' He knelt down on his one knee and reached inside his other pocket, pulling out another box.

'This is probably the most extravagant thing I've ever done. But it's still not enough to show you how much I love you. You've given me purpose to my life, you've given me two beautiful children and you've given me all the love I'll ever need or want. I want to chance to do that for you….well except the children bit…' he laughed nervously, a action mirror by Joey.

'Seriously, I want to be with you forever. When I said that it would be 'you and me, always' all those years ago I meant it. I want to prove that too you,'

He paused as a tear rolled down his cheek. Seeing this made Joey tear up more.

'So, Joey Potter. My best friend, my lover, my soul mate. Will you marry me?'

Dawson opened the box the reveal the ring. Joey inhaled quickly at the sight of it.

_That's mom's ring…_

She looked at Dawson's expectant face and then to the windows of the house. Everyone was pressed against the glass, Audrey and Andie holding Belle and Dylan and pointing out the scene below to them. She smiled at the sight of her family and friends, all here to share this moment. She turned to Dawson, his face even more expectant with the delay. She could see the slight look of panic in his eyes.

She got down on one knee, mirroring him.

'Only if you marry me, Dawson Leery.' She pulled out a box from her pocket and opened it. It was a beautiful gold ring, with delicate writing on the inside.

_You and me…always._

Dawson smiled widely, laughing at the sudden turn of events. He looked at her tear filled eyes, her famous half smile playing on her lips.

He laughed out loud, not believing that she still had surprises for him, even after all these years. As if they were reading each other's minds they lunged for each other, embracing each other tightly.

'God I love you Joey,'

'I love you too Dawson,'

They pulled apart slightly and Dawson cupped her face with his hands. Her eyes were well and truly watering now, tears running down her face freely. He kissed her lightly on the lips, tasting the saltiness on her lips.

She smiled while their lips finally separated, seeing that he was crying as much as she was.

Dawson quickly took her hand and slipped the ring onto her finger, it gleaming in the light. She did the same, making sure to put it on the correct finger. They clasped each other's hands tightly, both of them in a kind of trance at what had happened.

'So, this proposal sure out stripped the first,' he said quietly.

'I'll treasure both of them.' She said with earnest, placing her hand on his cheek and drawing him in for another kiss.

They could hear muffled cheers from the house and both of them spun around to see their friends and family cheering and waving. Joey laughed and waved back, embarrassed by all of it. Dawson just smiled, seeing his mother clutching onto John and sobbing.

'So, shall we go in? I think our public wants an audience with us?' Joey said, taking his hand as he pulled her to her feet.

'Actually, we're not quite done yet,' he said, raising his arm in the air. 'LET IT RIP,'

The shooting sounds of fireworks filled the air and suddenly the sky was full of light and sparks from what seemed like a hundred fireworks.

'I thought you'd said no fireworks?'

'Yeah well, I couldn't let you spoil all your surprises.' Dawson kissed her on the forehead. 'Anyway, you with the second ring?'

'Yeah but that's different. It's a wife's prerogative to lie to her husband from time to time,' she said smiling, relishing the sound of being his wife.

'I don't think I've said this enough today, but I love you,'

'No, I don't think you've said it enough either…' she smiled and turned to face him once more.

'I love you too,'

Their foreheads met and another set of fireworks illuminated the sky, casting a red glow over the house and the creek. Further cheering came from the house and everyone spilled out onto the lawn, running to congratulate the newly engaged couple.

That night was special for everyone, especially Gail and Bessie who had long wanted the pair to solidify their union. Andie and Pacey congratulated the pair and held each other close as the fireworks shot through the sky. Jack and Doug stood and watched the fascination spread across Amy's face at the scene unfolding.

It was almost as if Jen was there with them.

In the midst of the hugging and kissing stood Joey and Dawson, entwined around each other in a long embrace, both of them looking to the sky. Joey sighed, looking at her soul mate.

Finally, it was as it always should have been.


	9. Epilogue

**Epilogue.**

God, today's the day.

The day I finally marry my one true love.

My Soul mate.

Sure, it may be corny to get married on Valentines Day, of all days, but it seemed right. Our children were born on another holiday, Christmas, so it was deemed fitting for us.

The individual moments that led to this day are all locked in my heart forever.

The day I first met her, standing on the front lawn of my house. Her embarrassed, croaked smile as her mother pushed her towards me.

The day I finally realised that my shy, awkward, tall, best friend was something more.

The day we came together in the rain.

The day we were pulled apart on the dock.

The night we said goodbye for (what we thought) the last time.

The night we came together for the first time.

The day we lost our best friend.

The night we made our children.

The night they came to join us.

The day I finally made us a family.

All of these moments, some more poignant than others, all flood through my mind as I see her standing at the end of the aisle, her delicate white veil shrouding her face. Her father, smiling proudly at his brilliant daughter, taking her arm and leading towards me.

Leading her home.

I stand, with my son in my arms, waiting for his mother. My beautiful daughter waits in the arms of my best man, Pacey. She smiles at her favourite uncle, the smile of her mother. I can see the recognition in his eyes as he looks upon her.

The music, soft and haunting floods around the church. Dylan wiggles in my arms at the sight of his mother smiling at his, waving from her ghostly cover. I'm sure he thinks this is just a huge game of dress up.

She looks beautiful, in only the way Joey Potter can. Jen used to look glamorous everyday, seemingly effortlessly. However, because Joey didn't wear much make up, or do anything with her hair, when she did it was breathtaking. I sigh deeply as I see her, something I can see she is doing too.

He father pulls back her veil and kisses her lightly on the cheek, whispering something in her ear as he lets her go. Her eyes water slightly and she passes her flowers onto Audrey, also stunning in her evening gown. Amy and Lily are at her feet in ballet tutu's and pink fairy wings (not Joey's idea, a last minute emergency measure when Amy spilled juice over both of the girls dresses). Audrey had put glitter on both of their eyes while Joey wasn't looking and curled their hair into ringlets. They looked magical.

Pacey steps forward with Belle, handing her to her mother. He kisses them both on the cheek and smiles. No words needed to be exchanged between the two, who had seen so much and been so many places together.

She turns to me, a smile slowly spreading across her face as the realisation of what is about to happen dawns on her.

_Wow, I'm actually getting married._

_To Dawson._

_Dawson Leery._

_The boy I've loved and lost most of my life._

_The boy who consoled me when I broke my arm._

_The boy who consoled me when my heart broke when mom died._

_The boy who was oblivious._

_The boy who I loved first._

_The boy who's heart I broke._

_The boy who I had to leave behind._

_The boy who came and found me again._

_The man who is the father of my children._

_The man who is my soul mate._

_Belle can't quite understand what is happening, I can sense that. But she loves all the attention regardless, kicking away in my arms and I move towards her father._

_He smiles that effortless smile at me, the one that melts my heart._

_Everyone said that getting married on Valentines Day at this short notice would be impossible. But then, no one counted on the resolve of Dawson to get this done. Pleading meetings with the vicar, Pacey on catering, Gail and John on invitations, Doug on mass transport, Andie and Audrey on Decorations, Bessie on bridesmaid dresses and himself on Music._

'_Just go buy yourself a dress and be there,' he had said._

_And that's what I did…well almost. Bessie had kept mom's dress, especially for me. We spent long evening restoring it back to its original beauty. _

_My mom was quite the trend setter. No lacy, flared sleeves and 60 patterned polyester for her. It was Grace Kelly in material form. Satin and silk combined. Dawson seemed lost for words when he saw me._

_But then, that's the whole idea. _

_I reach for his hand and squeeze it gently. He continues to smile. I hope I can always do that for him._

_We step forward, our children in our arms, towards our future._

'_Dearly beloved, we are gathered here….'_

**The End**


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